Friday, March 23, 2012

Lessons Learned

I have been in a silent fretful mode trying to figure out how to help my auntie who just turned 93 on March 10th. Uncle Jesse passed on March 16th one year ago and I know that she has been grieving and maybe has gone into a bit of depression again the closer it got to the anniversary of his passing. I can't help her through that.
She also seemed to be off her food as she says - not having an appetite, not wanting to eat much, not knowing what she wanted to eat etc. etc. etc. I started to get worried and then realized that she might have a bit of a cold or flu bug.
So why am I telling you all this? Well I guess it is background information for why I fell. I did fall on Tuesday morning because I wasn't concentrating, I wasn't watching, I wasn't in the moment as they say. I was watching the man back out of his parking space next to mine and stepped off the sidewalk in the wrong way. Not a clean step and down I went. I tried to break my fall landing on my knees and my right shoulder. Marty, the little ole man put his car in park and came rushing over to help me- shuffling as fast as he could. He helped me  up, and when he bent over to pick up my keys and my book the thought popped into my head "maybe he shouldn't do all that bending over", but he did it and wouldn't leave till I assured him I was okay.
I limped a little as I got in my car and drove away. I thought maybe the shoes had something to do with my falling but actually that wasn't why I fell. I fell because I wasn't paying attention. I was worrying about my aunt, I was thinking of all I had to do, and I was angry at myself for trying to do too much. I'd signed up for a bead work class to learn how to do this bracelet and I don't even wear bracelets. I also wanted to go and visit auntie because I was worried about her. I was thinking of the two meetings the next day and my art project that I needed to finish before April 6th so it could go into the gallery for the show.
See what I mean? I wasn't in the moment. I was in the past remembering how my aunt was feeling and if truth be told I was also worried about her dying because after all she is 93. I was also in the future about how that would be without her, how much work that will be to take care of her estate and on and on and on. Awfullizing as my friend says.
So, as the days have passed, I've slowed down, luckily no broken bones but there was a bit of a sprain on my already weak right ankle and I'm noticing a bit of soreness on my left arm and shoulder, probably from trying to stop myself from my fall.
Today I'll be working on my art project and later I'm going to have lunch with my daughter and then tonight my son is taking me out to supper to celebrate my grand-daughter's 30th birthday. I'm so lucky in all respects. Have a good one.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your fall! I hope you're completely mended now. I know exactly what you mean, about falling because you're everywhere except where you actually need to be. I feel like I'm living in that place right now, with fractured sleep and fractured calm during the waking hours, and big Life Plans in the works, and my mind everywhere and nowhere all at once. And it shows--I'm forgetting things or acting out of distraction all over the place. A good reminder to slow down and stay present.

    Wishing your aunt the very best of health and wellness, too. 93: what a fine long life she's enjoying! Hugs to you, Helen.