No Excuse

Nope, there is no excuse for me not posting. I've not been feeling well for a few days. Just a cold. And please don't say "again?". I have a person in my life who says to me "you sound stuffed up again." And I want to say something like "You sound too judgmental" to her but I'll remain calm and just accept that I maybe shouldn't call her if I sound "not right".  

I'm being cranky. There are so many things I want to do but until I feel like doing them a little more I'll just go and lie down on the couch and wait till more than inspiration grabs me.

We've had snow again and it's beautiful from inside here wrapped in a couple of blankets. I've been near the door but not out the door. I haven't taken pictures - either too busy driving
or just being in the apartment working.
 
This is the snow we had at the end of January as seen from inside my living room one night. Street lights glowing outside and the snow piled on the trees and lawn - beautiful. When I lived in the country I would go out in the night and just walk in the snow especially if the flakes falling were really big or if it was a heavy snowfall. It is like being wrapped in a big fluffy blanket. One of my favourite children's story is Wind in the Willows and I imagine the little critters all snug under the snow in their warm little homes.


This next picture is is taken outside the next day. I don't know if it is morning or late afternoon and I can't tell by the light. I'm thinking it is late afternoon. I can't figure out the camera as you can see. The first one is taken with the old camera from inside and this one is taken from outside with the new camera. I just don't practice enough. I guess I'll have to look to my daughter-in-law for lessons.

For some reason I prefer the snow in the evening and I like driving in snow - not in the city but in the country. Some of my fondest memories are driving down country roads in what some people would call blizzards. I see it as being wrapped in a cocoon inside that car and then the warm white blanket of snow outside us. Of course there was the slide into the ditch once in a while but not too often. Guess other people had more sense back then and I didn't meet too many fast driving people. Slow and easy and carefully drive down the road. Not today in the city. It is best to stay home till the sun melts the snow and the plows go through a few times.

Okay, back to the couch. Have a good one -

It Felt Like a Million Pictures

Good morning. I finished the pictures after the books and everything else
was cleaned out. I told my children that if anything happens to me they won't have a terrible time with unloading because I've gotten rid of the un-neccesary clutter. When I say that I mean that for today I have the clutter that I need. Because I'm down to doll making, fabric art, and beading the shelf space got smaller. I still have the poster on the board to remind me that I am supposed to be writing and making art and a few dolls that were gifts. All the other dolls are gone. My little pile of to-do stuff sits in the bright light under the lamp and the pile of supplies for going away to work is on the right of the table.


I've rearranged the book cases to hold my paint supplies and created a little space for writing and painting on one side of the table and sitting reading and crocheting a baby blanket for the new great-grandson coming in May on the other side of the table.

The other side of the table shown in the next picture has a group of small shelves that hold the paint and colored pencils as well as pictures of family. These shelves also hold the different papers and other "stuff". I can't just decide what I want to be when I grow up.

 Above the shelves you can see the collection of little chairs/doll chairs that I have. There are more on the inspiration wall and more behind the writing chair on the board that holds the cards and ATC's that I've received. There are dolls sitting on the little chairs that I have collected and they are mixed in with the books on the shelves by the window. Lots of inspiration.

 The inspiration wall is across from the beading and workspace. It has the TV below which is usually turned to the music channel with the nature sounds or to the Baroque music channel. Beside the other poster I made is a poster from Salley Mavor that I ordered after she made the cover of The Horn Book Magazine. I have been an admirer of her work for years and finally have a few of her books and follow her Blog.

My computer is in my bedroom at the foot of the bed.  And you will notice that there is bright light coming from a sliding glass door to the right that doesn't open. I was fortunate enough to get the apartment that looks out on the little garden with lots of trees. On the computer screen you will see the name of the blog I follow all the time as well it is The Frabjous Versipel. She has wonderful postings of work she does, family, recipes and in my imagination she lives in a little hamlet in the mountains (which is what I'd like to do but that is for another post) and is surrounded by tons of other crafty people.

Besides getting rid of things in the apartment the storage room was cleaned as well. There is no use showing a picture of that because I didn't show the mess it was in before. Pictures were scanned for my daughter that have been sitting under the bed waiting in an old suitcase from her figure skating days. Pictures were scanned of family members and more to be scanned. I dumped a ton of pictures - no one needs four rolls of film of the Statue of Liberty and megga rolls of scenery of the mountains of British Columbia and the south west.
I feel like there is room to breathe - not from the decluttering but from the tremendous pressure I felt to get things done. Besides making art and writing the only thing that calls to me is the family tree I started a few years ago. So that is it. Finished de-cluttering and sorting and putting away. It may not look like it but it is done - for now.

Update

Good Morning
A quick update on the de-cluttering process. I'm almost finished. It has taken a long time because I've been sorting through books and papers. There were a lot of things to go into binders - a portfolio of sorts. One day when I'm old I can sit at the kitchen table and sort through the binders and re-organize. This time I just separated patterns I want to keep from memories and certificates etc.

Today I am sorting through materials/fabrics and getting rid of what I will not use. As I've been sorting and de-cluttering I've been contemplating what it is that I want to do when I grow up. I go through that periodically. I did when I graduated university in 2000 and then when I turned sixty and now this year my brother will turn sixty five and I'm a year older than him. I'm not going to collect pieces to use in mixed media art like paper and such so that has gone to a friend who likes to do that. My mixed media will be with fabric and beads. So with that in mind I really de-cluttered and now back to the material.

The last cleaning will be the photographs. They will have to be sorted and given away after they are scanned into the computer. I have eight siblings and as many cousins or more so they (photos) can find a good home. I'll be back

Cleaning

In case you thought I fell off the face of the earth - nope, just cleaning.
The big ole pine tree that was outside my bedroom window was cut down this past fall and since then I've had lights shining in and people looking in so I decided that I needed curtains. I am not a curtain person. I like the trees and the squirrels and the birds and I like to be able to look out the window and see them. Since I am on the ground floor I had furniture blocking the lower half of the windows so no one could look directly in. But with the tree gone - and it used to block a lot - I had to do something. I moved bookshelves and dressers and computer tables and other pieces of furniture for the past week but I didn't stop there. While I was doing that I sent books to the Salvation Army store, I got rid of tons of paper - more paper from the past career as counsellor and from university. So that sent me into the storage room to get a box or two and I found more boxes of books that went to the library and cd's that will have to be sorted and gotten rid of - well you get the picture. I may be like the bear that comes out of the cave in spring and maybe I will have something to show you. 

The Gifts

Okay, I know that it is never as bad as I make it out to be. I'm just not a Christmas person. I may have said that in another post - I don't remember. I am the kind of person that wants to give gifts when I feel like it, gifts I make or find that I feel will be just right for that person. This year as always I gave my mom a gift pertaining to Christmas on her birthday - November 22 when she turned 87. I usually give a gift pertaining to Christmas so she can enjoy them for the season not just on Christmas day. Her gift this year was tree ornaments - including a little rooster. She used to raise chickens when she was younger and able to get out there to feed and water and collect eggs. 

This year I made dolls for my grown children and their families. They are replicas of outfits worn by the Iroquois women that I've seen when we go to ceremonies. I add a lot more beads and decorations to the dolls. These dolls are called stump dolls because they have no legs. It takes me about three months to make one of these dolls because I don't work at them every day. There is an underskirt and then the dress over top. If she had legs she would also be wearing decorated leggings.

I can now share those pictures with you.

 

Tim and his wife Fina received my gift on the Friday before Christmas when my sister and I went into Toronto to view the Chagall works at the Art Gallery of Ontario. Their doll is called Butterfly Woman - for obvious reasons. Her dress is made out of a black background piece of material that my friend had left over from making her husband a ribbon shirt. I thought the colours were wonderful and found the beads and ribbon and other materials to compliment. This doll doesn't look like she is dancing - she may be resting.

The next doll was given to Mike and Tuesday on Christmas Eve when I go and visit them. I enjoy my time with them and this year I gave them a doll called  Turquoise Woman again for obvious reasons. I found the material and really liked the colours but found it hard to select the ribbons and beads to match. The fabric stores don't always have ribbon that will coordinate with the materials and the sales people get frustrated with me sometimes. The bead store near my home is a little more helpful - well a lot helpful. I bring in the swatch of material and ribbons I've selected and we find the beads that will go with the selections. This doll has some fine wire in her cape to help her look like she is dancing.

The last doll I made was for Monica and Harv and she is called Bear Woman because I don't have a different name for her. She might have told me her name but I forgot and for now we will just call her Bear Woman. She has a skirt and blouse on over the underskirt. That is a different design for me. I've seen one or two women wearing something like this when we go to ceremonies. She has a heavier wire in her cape to make it look like she is dancing hard. Her right arm is to her waist and the left arm is holding her shawl out to the wind. This doll has a lot of bear charms or as we used to call them fetishes. Monica chose the colour of the fabric from my stash one day when she was here and I just made up the rest. I took the fat quarter to Fabric Land and the lady there helped me find the right colour material for the shawl. It was a darker colour than the turquoise of the flowers in the material but it worked. I also found the same shade of ribbon as the silk for the shawl and that was a bonus.

I really enjoy making them - it's the costuming that is the most fun. So now you know the part I enjoy. Making the dolls, costuming and especially giving them.

The Season

The Christmas Season brings many different emotions and questions for me. What was it like for the people before television and commercials? What was it like before? Always before? I ask those questions when I get stressed around Christmas.
When I lived in the United States the best and my most favourite holiday was the American Thanksgiving. That was way before Black Friday. American Thanksgiving was family, food, and no need for presents. My mom and dad came to visit from Canada and I made dad his favourite pecan pie. There was no need to run out and go shopping after the day of food and family.
Right around Christmas I sound like Scrooge and I grumble about not liking Christmas. It happens every year since 2007. That year my brother had a really bad car accident and a massive heart attack. He's recovered but I guess I got scared. I also moved from my home where I raised my children after their father died and we moved back to Canada. I moved into a little one bedroom apartment the week after my brother's accident. My boys helped me and joked that they would only have to push me down the hall when I got older because the apartment building is attached to an old age home - really it is the Alzheimer's home I think. I told them when I got old I was moving where it was warm.
I worked so hard setting up my apartment and trying to get things for my family for Christmas I got sick. I spent the entire week of the holidays in bed except for taking the dog out for his walk. It was the flu and strep throat so I was down for the count. I missed Christmas but I didn't. There was no hustle, bustle, disappointment, excitement, or anything except a visit from my friends Deb and Don who brought me Christmas dinner in a take out and my sister Ginny and her son Burt who also brought me Christmas Dinner in a take out. The food stayed in the refrigerator for a few days til I could swallow.
What am I saying? I like the quiet and yet I like being around family. I like making my presents for people. I want to see everyone but I like seeing them in little bunches not the whole bunch at the same time. There are nine of us and I'm the oldest. My siblings go to mom's in groups because her house isn't big enough.
I go in the morning to help her with some of the little things, vegetables to be cooked, table to set, making sure that she has all things that she wants and likes for the family meal. And then I leave. My sister has already been over to mom's about four in the morning to put the turkey on to cook.
This year I will go and spend time with my aunt who lives in the retirement home. I've been looking after her and my uncle for the past number of years - about ten I think and this past March he passed away in the long term care side of that place. I want to be there for her and I because it is hard that first year of grieving especially during the holidays.
This weekend we went to Church on Saturday night for Carols and Lessons and to hear the bells that had been given to that special church by the Queen. And yesterday I drove her into Toronto to have dinner with her son Ron and her sister who is younger - 84. Those are different memories to add to my collection. Maybe this time next year I won't be asking what was it like before the commercialism - maybe it will be back to how it is supposed to be. Family and fun and food - along with the friends and their celebrations in their different ways.

Making Choices

Well, this has been an interesting week. After much deliberation I quit the clarinet lessons. I did well for the first three months reading music and learning how not to make the clarinet squeak too much but then we got into the notes where I had to use my right hand for more than holding the clarinet. My right hand is a bit ill-formed, unformed, or deformed and I couldn't make the hand hold the clarinet and stretch to reach the holes and cover them completely. You need to cover the holes completely or the instrument will not make clear sounds no matter how much you blow into the mouth piece. My right hand works perfectly well for most things. It is a tiny bit smaller than the left hand, and it has that fleshy piece at the base of the thumb missing. Otherwise you wouldn't notice it - if I didn't tell you. So, I can make art and I can write and I probably could play the baritone if I wanted to but - I don't want to. It was my choice to resign or quit or leave or whatever you want to call it. I know that after I turned in the music books and chose not to learn the baritone I left with sort of a relief and a lot of tears. I really had wanted to learn to play the clarinet since it was given to me. I can play certain notes but not all of them. I, however, did not think of myself as a failure because I did learn a lot and I did accomplish a lot and I tried for three months. I believe you are not a failure if you try. The tears, I'm not sure what they were. Maybe it was because it had always been my favourite instrument and the music from the Big Band Era is still my favourite music and I'd dreamed of playing that kind of music. Oh well, I tried.

So that all said and done we move on to the middle of the week. I was able to take my aunt shopping and go to do a few errands but every once in a while my car would not start. I'd planned to go and take a beading class on Saturday and when I went out to the car it would not start at all. I got a hold of my daughter and she and my son-in-law and grand-daughter came and he proceeded to fix it. (His passion is cars and repairing them). Well, he got the part off and then almost finished putting the new part on when he noticed that something was wrong. The part store gave him the wrong starter. The package says it was for my car. He had all the information from my motor and car year and make and still the wrong part was delivered. He phoned and long story short there is apparently two types of starters for my car and the wrong one was sent. He cannot get the new part until Tuesday. Good thing I live in the city and good thing that I'd gotten all the fresh vegetables that I needed.

After they left yesterday, I came back in and took a nap. Then instead of getting up and making or finishing my wall doll, I laid down and rested - tired from the hard work of taking a nap I guess. My body said to lay down so I did and listened to the body for most of the evening (except for preparing a salad and making dinner.) Often I didn't do that. I kept right on going no matter if I was tired or not feeling good.

I'm all set now to see if I can decorate my living-room/studio/kitchen/dining-room for Christmas. I will have to find out if the tree will fit and if not will there be any other things that can decorate the room. Or I can move things on the book shelf to make room for my paint brushes and paints but that means cleaning this area and moving my gnome and tree spirit seen here.

Or I can just repeat yesterday's afternoon and lie down again.