An Awareness

Okay, you might think me a little off plumb, and that is quite okay with me because others think that of me anyway. I am good with that because I enjoy being in the land of faeries, gnomes and elves.
I once had a friend make that sound like a bad thing. But it isn't. That is her opinion, and when you think of the faeries, gnomes and elves helping nature and being a part of all the elements then living in the land with them - it is a good thing. I used to say that all the time because I was making gnomes and faeries in my art dolls and I think she thought I wasn't living in the real world.

I also became aware this morning that I am mentally beating myself up because I haven't done all the things that I want to do. Well hellooooo, I do have quite a few done. And that hellooooo is for me. I help my family when I can, and I help my friends when they ask. I enjoy doing that. When I get home after doing that I'll lay down and take a quick nap so I can do my work. Some people have told me that I must do my work first, and I do - it depends on what it is. Beating myself up mentally for not accomplishing things or not doing things according to the ideas of someone else is, is, well it's ludicrous. But I cannot change things about me until I realize what needs changing. And that I see needs changing.

I realized the other night that sitting in a tree wondering - and hopefully you have all had that experience - is the best thing a child can do. What makes things work? Who created all this beauty? Who gave the names to all these things? And most of all who said that a tree is a tree? Who first gave the name "tree" to the tree? My friend Yvonne told me that I made a lot of pictures of bare naked trees. I do. I like their form and their shapes.

I wanted to apply to the Creative Writing Department of the University in Tucson Arizona because my writing teacher suggested it. I showed some of my art pictures to the head of the department and he asked me why I wanted to write when I could paint like that. When I wanted to take art courses in university I had to show a portfolio. Because I was never an art major and never took art lessons, I had little to no portfolio, just a few photographs of some of my paintings. I did, however show this piece of watercolour. It is called "The Sentinals" and the art teacher accepted me to the course and suggested that I redo this painting on some good watercolour paper. I haven't done that yet but I plan to. More things to do eh?

Another piece of art work is called "Gratitude" and I did that in needle felting. I had a needle felting teacher in a one day workshop teach us about wet felting. I liked the needle felting part but I didn't like the wet felting part so I haven't done any more of these. This piece wasn't very big but for me it was beautiful and I got so excited with the work. I even surprised the teacher when she suggested that I put in some rocks along the water and instead of just making a flat rock I made them three dimensional. She said she never thought of that. Anyway it worked. You can see the little doll in the bottom of the picture - I put dolls in all of my fabric art pieces and wall-hangings. Not a great piece of photography but you get the idea of the picture. Photography, another thing to learn.

Art is exciting for me. Whether it be drawing, painting, needle felting, making my art dolls, writing or music. I just spent an hour or so looking at blogs about embroidery to see what new things are out there. I'm afraid to get out my embroidery because then I'll be beating myself up because that isn't done and this isn't done and - whatever! I may have told you that I taught myself to embroider by watching my gramma and using the books with patterns. My mom taught me the chain stitch in crochet work and I got  pattern books that had step by step instructions and I worked that out. My dad taught me how to cast on for knitting and from there I used a pattern book to teach myself more. I basically taught myself how to do most of the art that I do. What amazes me now is that I never kept it up as a young person. I listened to others all my life and I heard "you can't earn a living doing that kind of stuff." so I didn't pursue it. Now I am.

The awarenesses about ourselves that we have can help us to change - but only if we want to. I cannot unlearn all the things that I have learned whether with a teacher or the things that I have taught myself. I cannot un-hear things but I can re-learn how to take them. By that I mean I can take what I thought was a criticism about my living in the land of faeries, gnomes, and elves and turn it into a positive for me - yes, I do live there periodically when creating my art doll gnomes and faeries and also when I am watching how I treat the earth and all inhabitants.

I am aware now that I am grateful for the people who have said things that I once took as criticism and Now look at as opportunities for growth. Otherwise I wouldn't have had the chance to move in and out of the lands of faeries, gnomes and elves.