An Awareness

Okay, you might think me a little off plumb, and that is quite okay with me because others think that of me anyway. I am good with that because I enjoy being in the land of faeries, gnomes and elves.
I once had a friend make that sound like a bad thing. But it isn't. That is her opinion, and when you think of the faeries, gnomes and elves helping nature and being a part of all the elements then living in the land with them - it is a good thing. I used to say that all the time because I was making gnomes and faeries in my art dolls and I think she thought I wasn't living in the real world.

I also became aware this morning that I am mentally beating myself up because I haven't done all the things that I want to do. Well hellooooo, I do have quite a few done. And that hellooooo is for me. I help my family when I can, and I help my friends when they ask. I enjoy doing that. When I get home after doing that I'll lay down and take a quick nap so I can do my work. Some people have told me that I must do my work first, and I do - it depends on what it is. Beating myself up mentally for not accomplishing things or not doing things according to the ideas of someone else is, is, well it's ludicrous. But I cannot change things about me until I realize what needs changing. And that I see needs changing.

I realized the other night that sitting in a tree wondering - and hopefully you have all had that experience - is the best thing a child can do. What makes things work? Who created all this beauty? Who gave the names to all these things? And most of all who said that a tree is a tree? Who first gave the name "tree" to the tree? My friend Yvonne told me that I made a lot of pictures of bare naked trees. I do. I like their form and their shapes.

I wanted to apply to the Creative Writing Department of the University in Tucson Arizona because my writing teacher suggested it. I showed some of my art pictures to the head of the department and he asked me why I wanted to write when I could paint like that. When I wanted to take art courses in university I had to show a portfolio. Because I was never an art major and never took art lessons, I had little to no portfolio, just a few photographs of some of my paintings. I did, however show this piece of watercolour. It is called "The Sentinals" and the art teacher accepted me to the course and suggested that I redo this painting on some good watercolour paper. I haven't done that yet but I plan to. More things to do eh?

Another piece of art work is called "Gratitude" and I did that in needle felting. I had a needle felting teacher in a one day workshop teach us about wet felting. I liked the needle felting part but I didn't like the wet felting part so I haven't done any more of these. This piece wasn't very big but for me it was beautiful and I got so excited with the work. I even surprised the teacher when she suggested that I put in some rocks along the water and instead of just making a flat rock I made them three dimensional. She said she never thought of that. Anyway it worked. You can see the little doll in the bottom of the picture - I put dolls in all of my fabric art pieces and wall-hangings. Not a great piece of photography but you get the idea of the picture. Photography, another thing to learn.

Art is exciting for me. Whether it be drawing, painting, needle felting, making my art dolls, writing or music. I just spent an hour or so looking at blogs about embroidery to see what new things are out there. I'm afraid to get out my embroidery because then I'll be beating myself up because that isn't done and this isn't done and - whatever! I may have told you that I taught myself to embroider by watching my gramma and using the books with patterns. My mom taught me the chain stitch in crochet work and I got  pattern books that had step by step instructions and I worked that out. My dad taught me how to cast on for knitting and from there I used a pattern book to teach myself more. I basically taught myself how to do most of the art that I do. What amazes me now is that I never kept it up as a young person. I listened to others all my life and I heard "you can't earn a living doing that kind of stuff." so I didn't pursue it. Now I am.

The awarenesses about ourselves that we have can help us to change - but only if we want to. I cannot unlearn all the things that I have learned whether with a teacher or the things that I have taught myself. I cannot un-hear things but I can re-learn how to take them. By that I mean I can take what I thought was a criticism about my living in the land of faeries, gnomes, and elves and turn it into a positive for me - yes, I do live there periodically when creating my art doll gnomes and faeries and also when I am watching how I treat the earth and all inhabitants.

I am aware now that I am grateful for the people who have said things that I once took as criticism and Now look at as opportunities for growth. Otherwise I wouldn't have had the chance to move in and out of the lands of faeries, gnomes and elves.

The Trip and the Pictures

Okay now we are going to try and upload pictures. See I'm including you in this post as if you were sitting right there beside me. Maybe if you were I wouldn't be having so much trouble.
I said in my last post that if I could upload picture of the trip that I took I would. But it seems that I can't. I still haven't figured this out - new program or new fingers not sure which is giving me more troubles.
I do however, have pictures that I took in the back yard - well in the yard there is a raised garden and this is what it looked like last week when I took pictures.

Out of no where there were some little people in my pictures. Well, actually I made this little guy about 4 or 5 years ago and he is called "The Leaf Gatherer" because he came out of the woods with a basket of leaves and leaves all around his hat. I just love him.

I made this other guy - he is much bigger. I hope he will let you see him. His name is "The Woodcutter" He's kind of shy though - guess he is worried about his size.

This is what he looks like when he isn't hiding

 And now I'll show the two of them together so you will understand his embarrassment.


Well, that is the raised garden although there are a couple of hams making sure that you see them instead of the beautiful flowers. Maybe next year you will get a glimpse of the flowers and then eventually the beautiful fall colours. Yes, that is spelled correctly according to Canadian spelling.

My Vacation

Well, I'm back from a wonderful trip. I went to visit my friends Donna and Chug in Western Massachusetts. I took the Amtrak from Buffalo/Depew, NY to Springfield, MA and then we drove back to Donna's place about forty minutes from there.
Saturday Morning we went to the post office and the library of  Leverette, MA and then on to the great little bookstore - well great used bookstore called the Bookmill of Montague, MA.
While visiting Donna and Chug and their dog Isabella - Bella for short, we went for walks, rested, read, ate and I did my sewing or showed her my Zentangles. Here is the home page of Zentangle a fantastic drawing/meditating/zen technique invented or discovered by Rick and Maria and which I've been doing for over a year periodically. I really like doing this form of meditating and use it to rest from the busyness of the days.
On Sunday while her husband went to Boston for a Red Sox game Donna and I went to Brattleboro, Vermont to see the museum there. The Brattleboro Museum & Art Center was a lovely building with a great lady at the front desk, great exhibits and for me in particular the Salley Mavor exhibit. After walking around the town a bit we visited the Delectable Mountain Cloth where I bought a few yards of tiny lace for my dolls. This store was absolutely wonderful - crammed full of fabric, lace, buttons, jewellery, - anything you can imagine for doll costuming and for that matter costuming in general. The links to these places are by no means the only links. While you are checking out the Brattleboro links check out the ones with the pictures of the floods from hurricane Irene.
We were going to go to the Peace Pagoda but time slipped away from us. Donna had an appointment in Amherst MA on Monday and then we went to have lunch with her friend in Northampton, MA. I have been to western MA to visit before and every time I'm there I feel like I need to move there. But I'm that way when I go to Tucson, AZ or St.Petersburg, FL as well.
When I can figure out how to put my pictures in my blog I'll show you some of the view from their home and some of the landscape from the train. Oh, and the train ride back was a bit different than the one to MA. The train was about forty five minutes late into Springfield from Boston and then we slowly lost time to get me to Buffalo/Depew, NY at 2:30 in the morning. I had booked a hotel room because I do not like driving in the dark expecting to get in shortly after midnight. Good thing they had saved my room. In spite of the delay I had a wonderful time both travelling and especially with my friend Donna.

Procrastination or P-Writing

I’ve been stuck. Stuck on what to write, what to draw, paint, sew, anything. I’ve gotten so I just run away. I make plans to help someone instead of doing my art and I don’t know what that is about. I really enjoy doing my art. I enjoy the sewing and the beads and the little dolls and the wall-hangings but I’ve been stuck. I almost wish I could start over but I don’t know what I would start over at. Does that make any sense?

When I get right down to it I think I am stuck because I said I wanted to do this wall-hanging but I also see it as the illustrations to a story and I’m afraid the person who is waiting for the illustrations will be disappointed in my work or at how long it will take.

I’ve also been sitting here wanting to draw and to paint again and there seems to be no time for both. What I did recognize was the “running away” or as my son Tim says procrastination. It’s his birthday today. When we met for dinner last week I mentioned that I feel stuck and it is almost a depression feeling that I get between projects. My friend Deb calls it a “blue funk” and that is what it feels like. I’m not really depressed just listless when it comes to the art. So instead I sorted and cleaned the beads. I sorted clothes and took unused and unwanted to the Salvation Army. I’ve even done dishes.

The only solution I can figure out is to go away and have a cup of coffee and take my writing materials. I go to the coffee shop and journal. I write and I ask myself questions, P-writing it is called from the book Writing the Mind Alive.  This method helps to clear the muddle and the fuzziness of not really knowing.

Also, I’ve noticed while watching my thinking that I seem to feel that I need to show something on my blog, some piece of art instead of just writing. How silly is that. I’m a writer as well as an artist. So I’ve decided to put a poem on my blog. This poem is from my book of poetry published last year. I hope you enjoy and I will write more later.

collective consciousness

as I stroll through woods

of sugar maple

their cover of crimson

gold ochre and green

now discarded

crackles under

my footsteps

Alleghany Mountains surround me

worn and rugged

their faces hold many stories

their aura touches and comforts me

the earth in her glory

soft and warm with birth and death

invites me

sit for a while and rest

listen to the gentle winds

drifting through the trees

I hear those voices

words that float

on breath

from generations past

I am told they are veiled

yet I see them

dressed as pilgrims

and traditional Iroquois style

English, Scots, Irish and French

mix with Mohawk Oneida, Cayuga and Seneca

they are visions

for those who see

they are voices

for those who hear

they bring stories

told for generations

that one day I will tell

Barbara-Helen Hill

1995

A Show

I was gifted yesterday with a chance to see Cirque Du Soleil "Totem" performance. What a wonderful show. Mary received tickets for this show as a Christmas gift but her daughter was unable to attend with her and so she asked me. I drove to Toronto and that in itself was an adventure. I normally drive to Toronto once a month anyway so I thought - no problem. Well, just following directions from the internet was going to be a cinch right? Not! Just after we turned onto the 427 South the traffic started to back up/slow down/stoppppp!. I listened to my favourite all news station for travel to get the traffic news and decided to get off on Dundas St. knowing that I could then drive back into Toronto to avoid the Parking Lot on Four Twenty Seven which normally would be moving smoothly. Of course all of the other drivers had the same idea so there I was in another grid-lock for about 15 minutes while I tried not to panic about being late for the show. Dundas St. was busy but I then moved into the lane to take Kipling over to the Gardner Expressway which is where I was supposed to be anyway. What an adventure. I think the driving and maneuvering in the traffic was an adventure for Mary as well because she'd never been in that traffic situation on Toronto highways from my understanding. So all in all it was a fun day. A beautiful sunset greeted us on the way home and I did manage to make - I don't see well driving in the dark!!!
Here is the link for the Cirque Du Soleil if you want to see some of the promo pictures. It was great!!!

Lovely Day

Well, the day started off ordinarily then I had the extreme pleasure of having breakfast with my cousin at Williams Pub and Eatery or whatever it is called. Good Coffee. As I was returning with my coffee I passed a lady sitting at her table looking at some interesting books. I stopped to talk and we introduced ourselves because she said she was a calligrapher and it turns out that it is a lady I had talked to by email. Her name is Heather Held and her  blog is one I follow at  "Heather Victoria Held" and enjoy very much. The trouble is that when I go to her site I get lost for hours. I didn't stay and visit because she was working but it happened we left the coffee pub at the same time and I told her I'd be writing about meeting her.


I went to an organic store yesterday outside a little town called Ayr, Ontario. This place, called Oakridge Acres, is a wonderful little store where the food is all healthy with no additives and preservatives. I have been looking for organic produce and grain fed cattle. There are other products there but for this first time shopper I took my time and bought just a few things. I definitely will go back.
Off now to have lunch and then do some writing and maybe get back to those little dolls for the planned book illustration and wall-hangings. Have a good one.

 

My art

I started writing this morning and then hit the back button by mistake so everything disappeared again. I was whining and complaining about not liking to down load pictures from my camera because I don't know how, and that is why there are very few pictures and very few blog posts.

I decided to write about my art and to share with you that even though I've been making my little spirit dolls I haven't taken many pictures of them. I do have however, pictures of some of my previous dolls. Here is the front and back of a doll taught to me by Deborah Downey about 4 years ago. Miraculously I still have it and I say miraculously because they are usually given away and just lately some have been sold. 

This is the front side to the left and the rear of the doll is to the right. 

The doll body was made by Deb and then we decorated it according to her suggestions and yet the doll is mine because I put into it my creativity and my choice of colours and beads. I've thought of making another but right now I'm having fun making the spirit dolls even though they haven't sat still long enough to have their pictures taken.


I also wanted to show you some of the dolls that were sold at the Native American Indian Women's conference at the end of June but I either didn't take them or haven't downloaded them from the camera. Seems that this is where I came in so I will sign off and look for pictures. Have a good one.